Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Woke up from a nap to their voice, and theres my all-time favorite refreshment infront of my eyes. Once again, they bought it for me. They were just a six and nine years old kid, never thought they'll think of me. Maybe it was just a coincidence but i was really touched. This is the second time. Feels guilty for not appreciating them all this time. Even though i'm the eldest doesn't mean i can take advantage and misused my power. Reflect. They're always there without realizing. At this moment, i really need supports from the closest party. But they're far away. Packed schedules but somehow life feels empty without them around. Life feels empty without family. 

Back to the kiddos, i couldn't even dare to scold them now days because we'll be parting again and i'm afraid their presence will lose from my sight forever (but i'm sure time kills and our lives gonna be back as it was). Regrets will haunt me forever. They're precious, my precious.

Thank you (◕〝◕)

Endless Task.

Feels like throwing my phone everytime the message tone rings. 
Feels like closing my eyes forever everytime i went to sleep. 
Feels like going invisible everytime my existance is noticable to the task 
that are looking and calling for me to start working on them. 

They keep coming out of nowhere, without a sign. Couldn't hold myself from sighing eventhough i know i shouldn't. The others are facing much more worse than me.

"People are naturally happier when kept busy."
Eh, really?

It doesn't relate that much but this blog post really motivates me.

I don't even know how did i manage to revive this blog again in this situation honestly. But hey, i'm back.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

إني صائم.

Day 5 of Ramadhan.
Day 3 of hiatus.

Lots of things happened since the past three days. Dying to spazz ugh. Supposed to be hiatus but keep stalking so wont miss any news. Well what to do, those things became part of my life... 

The people there, miss 'em.

Take note dear self,
Not only from foods & drinks.

Patience test.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

A new her

few days before... 

*looks at her fb pic* 

Theres something wrong with my eyes ._.



but. don't put your hopes high, mym. 
I'm not doubting. it's just.... unbeliavable. Well, anything is possible if He say so. 

7/9/12 Arisya's 2nd birthday :)

I need to confirm it today. 


So, it's true. 

Alhamdulillah. Subhanallah. 

I'm happy. Very happy. Speechless. 
Feels like crying, but theres no tears left .. /forsomereason/
If can, i wanna hug her.. and say congratz
but yeah, that's not me. I'm an awkward person.

When i think about it, it's quiet dissapointing. No, not the change. Me. 
I've been with her since i was little. But i change nothing eventho i knew it's my responsibility. Since i'm surrounded by these kind of surrounding. Now, it was just a few months since she left and she already changed. While it took years for me but i failed. .. 

And also, my dear friend. I heard she's living well too. Alhamdulillah. 

I know, i'm a fail cousin & friend. 

By looking at them... i wonder.
What about me? Am i gonna stay like this forever? Sit here and do nothing? 

Shame on me then. 

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Terus Terang

Terus terang saya katakan, saya lebih selesa berterus terang sejak kebelakangan ni.
Aha~ saya sedang berterus terang.

Saya sendiri tak tahu dari mana datangnya keberanian untuk berterus terang.
Tapi saya selesa. Sangat selesa. Sebab tak payah pendam.

Tetapi... bagus ke ? 
Bila fikir balik rasa macam bersalah .. tapi saya hanya meluahkan apa yang saya rasa.
Kadang-kadang bila kita tidak berterus terang, ia boleh menyusahkan orang lain. Dan juga membuatkan orang lain rasa tak senang duduk. Yelah, macam jaga hati orang .. contoh macam beri pendapat. Kita kata sesuatu perkara yang ingin memuaskan hati seseorang itu, padahal apa yang kita kata tak sama dengan apa yang kita fikirkan/rasa.

Kalau terus terang pun, perkara yang sama akan berlaku. Disebabkan kita terlalu berterus terang orang lain akan terasa, berkecil hati etc etc. 

So, the conclusion is ..  ?

Dengan kesempatan ini, saya ingin memohon maaf kalau saya membuatkan anda terasa dengan perilaku saya. 

Tuesday, March 06, 2012


Jangan harap nak dapat markah jumaat ni .
Oh saya tak kisah pun pasal markah.
It's just, you're distracting me.
Jangan sampai saya buat perangai.
Oh saya dah buat dah. 

Semangat saya dah hilang. 
I can't accept everything about it this year, idk why.


Friday, March 02, 2012

Attention ; Perhatian

Ya, semua orang inginkan perhatian . Walaupun sedikit, mesti ada kan ? 


Is it wrong for me to get an attention from that one subject ?

Ok, bila difikirkan balik , niat saya salah . //ouch .

Tapi kenapa mereka boleh dapat, saya tak boleh dapat? That's my only chance.
Sedangkan mereka tak buat apa-apa pun untuk dapat sebab cara/personaliti mereka sendiri boleh dapatkan benda tu.

No. They are them , you are you .
Be yourselflah ! You got your own style, be proud. 

Baru masuk first stage dah dapat rasakan tension . Tak dapat bayangkan bila dah jauh nanti .. 
Lagipun benda ni mendatangkan lebih banyak kesan negatif daripada positif , kalau tak dapat kawal.

So it's better to avoid it before its too late, right ? 

In the end, 'perhatian' ni bukannya bagus sangat pun. Once dah dapat, macam-macam boleh datang. Perlu tanggungjawab (eh?)  yelah, untuk stabilkan semua benda . Kalau tak, disebabkan benda tu benda lain jadi huru-hara, habis .

Cukuplah, saya dah serik.

Astaghfirullah .

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Vanilla Ice-cream ~

Disebabkan ketagihan saya terhadap aiskrim semakin menjadi-jadi sejak kebelakangan ini, saya mengambil keputusan untuk 'berpuasa' aiskrim sehingga 1/2/12. 

Gara-gara aiskrim, duit saya semakin berkurangan -,-

Hari ke-2 .. badan dah rasa lain macam. Saya perlukan aiskrim T^T

ok, bertahan! 


Sampai pada saatnya nanti saya akan tuntut aiskrim free daripada sesiapa sahaja yang akan menjadi mangsa ;D

Monday, January 02, 2012