Hey

Shouldn't have said anything.
Shouldn't have given a thought.
In reality, you were just playing safe.
Running away.
That is.

Why did I hold these secrets?
Why did they come to me?
Why am I being trusted?
The burden is heavier than I thought.
Even I was just watching on the sideline.
Couldn't even utter a single word.
The air around me is killing me.


I just hate negativity.
Yet, I'm full with it.

Why do you feel so alone?

Hey, I'm still alive

" I want to cherish every moment of my life in 2013! "
"..since it's our last year together, let's make good memories! "
" Spend every moment wisely or you will regret! "


Things turned out to be the opposite.

What happened and how did it turned out like this, who knows.

Bad memories were made more than the good one.

Keep having bad terms with people more than bonding.

Losing interest in studies.

More fake smiles.

The rain falls harder than ever.

Theres no such thing as bright and sunny day anymore.

Trying to stand on your own is not that easy,
RIGHT.

But that's ok.

You can't do anything about that because you're used to it.

BUNNY PARADISE

“Okunoshima is a small Japanese island, located in the Inland Sea of Japan, in the Hiroshima Prefecture. What’s special about this place is that it is completely crawling with rabbits – a bunny paradise of sorts. Nicknamed the Rabbit Okunoshima attracts thousands of animal lovers every year. Feeding bunnies can be one of the most relaxing pastimes, and people come here to do just that. The island is a popular day-trip and weekend holiday destination.”

Have i ever mentioned my undying love towards rabbits? They are so cute and adorable and fluffy and huggable and ajfdgbfdjgfufidg ok. I even dreamed to live in the plane that only rabbits live there, no humans only bunnies. And i became the Queen of the Rabbit's Kingdom and i already listed the guards, the warriors, etc consist of my fav characters. I also created an emblem for the kingdom. Old days. 

Anyway, the island is such a perfect place for me can someone take me there like now i need to meet the bunnies can i live there instead i have to the island is made for me indeed  

The inside that will remain inside

Theres a strong force that keeps me away from clicking the publish button.

Wow at how time flies?!

' Jom Masuk U ' ...  -gasp-

Karnival Pengajian Tinggi Negara 2013, Universiti Malaya (26/1 - 27/1)

While getting ready to go to the fair..

the 7 y/o lil bro: Kakak, kenapa kakak kena pergi universiti?
the 10 y/o lil sis: Nanti amil besar pun kena pergi juga lah.

When we entered the gate of Universiti Malaya and passed thru the buildings..

lil bro: Kenapa kakak kena belajar sorang-sorang? / Nanti kakak belajar sorang-sorang ke?
lil sis: Taklah takkan kakak belajar sorang-sorang mesti ada cikgu sekali. Kawan-kawan kakak pun ada.
lil bro: Tapi mesti kawan-kawan kakak pergi universiti lain ha nanti kakak sorang-sorang 

 Those kiddos. What even -,-

..

ummi: Nanti kakak nak ambil course apa? Kakak nak jadi apa?
me: ... Tak tahu.
abi & ummi: Mana boleh tak tahu, kena fikirlah dari sekarang

...

Yes, i dont know. It's not that i didn't plan anything, i did planned. But i think too much that i messed my mind and i'm tired too think because i'll end up spacing out then blank... idk what to think anymore. Plus people will think my ambition is ridiculous bc it's not an ambition (well it is) but it's actually a dream? idk. People wont understand even if i explain to them because i'm that complicated yeah.

Now, the problem is.... course.

Uh. Wait. What. What course. I'm just a highschooler?

My senior when i was form 1 is married and now having a baby.

I'm turning 17 in 4 days.

Will be sitting on SPM this year.

And then leave the school ...

WAIT HOLD IT RIGHT THERE WHATS GOING ON DID I MISS SOMETHING WHY IS LIFE GOING TOO FAST I WAS JUST A SMALL FETUS LITTLE GIRL TRYING TO FIND HER TRUESELF BACK THEN BUT NOW HERE I AM BUT-

Can the time stop for awhile so that i can catch up on everything that is happening in my life? 

Like that would happen duh. 

WAKE UP DEARSELF 

theres no second chance

live hell or live well

Useless

Bunch of people around.

Supports given: 

"404 Page Not Found"

Bibir Tersenyum Hati Menangis

Booster.

Woke up from a nap to their voice, and theres my all-time favorite refreshment infront of my eyes. Once again, they bought it for me. They were just a six and nine years old kid, never thought they'll think of me. Maybe it was just a coincidence but i was really touched. This is the second time. Feels guilty for not appreciating them all this time. Even though i'm the eldest doesn't mean i can take advantage and misused my power. Reflect. They're always there without realizing. At this moment, i really need supports from the closest party. But they're far away. Packed schedules but somehow life feels empty without them around. Life feels empty without family. 

Back to the kiddos, i couldn't even dare to scold them now days because we'll be parting again and i'm afraid their presence will lose from my sight forever (but i'm sure time kills and our lives gonna be back as it was). Regrets will haunt me forever. They're precious, my precious.

Thank you (◕〝◕)

Endless Task.

Feels like throwing my phone everytime the message tone rings. 

Feels like closing my eyes forever everytime i went to sleep. 

Feels like going invisible everytime my existance is noticable to the task 

that are looking and calling for me to start working on them. 

They keep coming out of nowhere, without a sign. Couldn't hold myself from sighing eventhough i know i shouldn't. The others are facing much more worse than me.

"People are naturally happier when kept busy."

Eh, really?

It doesn't relate that much but this blog post really motivates me.

I don't even know how did i manage to revive this blog again in this situation honestly. But hey, i'm back.

إني صائم.

Day 5 of Ramadhan.
Day 3 of hiatus.

Lots of things happened since the past three days. Dying to spazz ugh. Supposed to be hiatus but keep stalking so wont miss any news. Well what to do, those things became part of my life... 

The people there, miss 'em.

Take note dear self,
I'M FASTING. 

Not only from foods & drinks.


Patience test.

A new her

few days before... 

*looks at her fb pic* 

Theres something wrong with my eyes ._.

*scrolls* 

.....

:') 

but. don't put your hopes high, mym. 

I'm not doubting. it's just.... unbeliavable. Well, anything is possible if He say so. 

7/9/12 Arisya's 2nd birthday :)

I need to confirm it today. 

... 

So, it's true. 

Alhamdulillah. Subhanallah. 

I'm happy. Very happy. Speechless. 

Feels like crying, but theres no tears left .. /forsomereason/

If can, i wanna hug her.. and say congratz

but yeah, that's not me. I'm an awkward person.

When i think about it, it's quiet dissapointing. No, not the change. Me. 

I've been with her since i was little. But i change nothing eventho i knew it's my responsibility. Since i'm surrounded by these kind of surrounding. Now, it was just a few months since she left and she already changed. While it took years for me but i failed. .. 

And also, my dear friend. I heard she's living well too. Alhamdulillah. 

I know, i'm a fail cousin & friend. 

By looking at them... i wonder.
What about me? Am i gonna stay like this forever? Sit here and do nothing? 

Shame on me then. 

Terus Terang

Terus terang saya katakan, saya lebih selesa berterus terang sejak kebelakangan ni.

Aha~ saya sedang berterus terang.

Saya sendiri tak tahu dari mana datangnya keberanian untuk berterus terang.
Tapi saya selesa. Sangat selesa. Sebab tak payah pendam.


Tetapi... bagus ke ? 
Bila fikir balik rasa macam bersalah .. tapi saya hanya meluahkan apa yang saya rasa.
Kadang-kadang bila kita tidak berterus terang, ia boleh menyusahkan orang lain. Dan juga membuatkan orang lain rasa tak senang duduk. Yelah, macam jaga hati orang .. contoh macam beri pendapat. Kita kata sesuatu perkara yang ingin memuaskan hati seseorang itu, padahal apa yang kita kata tak sama dengan apa yang kita fikirkan/rasa.


Kalau terus terang pun, perkara yang sama akan berlaku. Disebabkan kita terlalu berterus terang orang lain akan terasa, berkecil hati etc etc. 


So, the conclusion is ..  ?






Dengan kesempatan ini, saya ingin memohon maaf kalau saya membuatkan anda terasa dengan perilaku saya. 

TOLONG SENYAP BOLEH? :]

Jangan harap nak dapat markah jumaat ni .

Oh saya tak kisah pun pasal markah.

It's just, you're distracting me.

Jangan sampai saya buat perangai.

Oh saya dah buat dah. 

Semangat saya dah hilang. 

I can't accept everything about it this year, idk why.

THANKYOU :] 

Attention ; Perhatian

Ya, semua orang inginkan perhatian . Walaupun sedikit, mesti ada kan ? 

.....

Is it wrong for me to get an attention from that one subject ?

Ok, bila difikirkan balik , niat saya salah . //ouch .

Tapi kenapa mereka boleh dapat, saya tak boleh dapat? That's my only chance.

Sedangkan mereka tak buat apa-apa pun untuk dapat sebab cara/personaliti mereka sendiri boleh dapatkan benda tu.

No. They are them , you are you .

Be yourselflah ! You got your own style, be proud. 

Baru masuk first stage dah dapat rasakan tension . Tak dapat bayangkan bila dah jauh nanti .. 

Lagipun benda ni mendatangkan lebih banyak kesan negatif daripada positif , kalau tak dapat kawal.

So it's better to avoid it before its too late, right ? 

In the end, 'perhatian' ni bukannya bagus sangat pun. Once dah dapat, macam-macam boleh datang. Perlu tanggungjawab (eh?)  yelah, untuk stabilkan semua benda . Kalau tak, disebabkan benda tu benda lain jadi huru-hara, habis .

Cukuplah, saya dah serik.

Astaghfirullah .

Vanilla Ice-cream ~

Disebabkan ketagihan saya terhadap aiskrim semakin menjadi-jadi sejak kebelakangan ini, saya mengambil keputusan untuk 'berpuasa' aiskrim sehingga 1/2/12. 

Gara-gara aiskrim, duit saya semakin berkurangan -,-

Hari ke-2 .. badan dah rasa lain macam. Saya perlukan aiskrim T^T

ok, bertahan! 

*drools~*

Sampai pada saatnya nanti saya akan tuntut aiskrim free daripada sesiapa sahaja yang akan menjadi mangsa ;D

Hidden Identity

Mym & Bii

.. it's a  different person .

Be aware .

2012 ;

please be one..

Kesibukkan waktu cuti

*apahal lah post-post sebelum ni emo semacam je -.- jemu rasa..

 Busy ? yeah .
Cuti cuti ni pun busy ke ? rasa macam dah jadi sebahagian dalam hidup kut .
Macam apa je sampai orang kena booking-booking segala nak ajak keluar.
setiap hari mesti orang tanya ada event tak minggu ni . haih... *cehh 
(ter-exaggerate sikit)


Walaupun sibuk , sempat juga meluangkan masa bersama family; makcik-pakcik, sepupu-sepapat semua .
Hamir dua minggu pergi sana-sini , siang malam berjalan je kerja . Kejap tidur sana, kejap tidur sini .. berpindah-randah . Itupun masih ada benda terselit . Ulang-alik lah nampaknya . 

Pagi ada hal, petang pergi outing. Petang ada hal, pergi malam . Kira tahun ni paling banyak berjalan bersama . Dah lama tak berjalan ramai-ramai macam ni .. Tak plan pun fam gathering ni . Terjadi secara kebetulan . Mengeratkatkan sillaturrahim bersama :) Tak semua pun yang ada . Still, better than tak ada orang kan?


Kalau ikutkan , tak nak join pun takpa . Baik duduk rumah rehat (by 'rehat' i mean melekatkan diri dekat komputer) * takkan dapatnya duduk rumah...mesti kena pergi kerja kat ofis -,-. Tapi bila lagi nak luangkan masa bersama sepupu-sepapat yang duduk nun di Kelantan? ni pun kira bersyukur mereka datang KL ... Esok lusa semua sibuk kan payah . 


Peluang yang ada jangan disia-siakan ... walaupun kena korbankan masa rehat ~


Semalam mereka pergi Perak pula . Hantar onee-sama interview . Tak dapat ikut sebab result PMR keluar ...untunglah adik-adikku ~ 


Result ? i'm not going to talk  about that.. Alhamdulillah , cukup untuk memuaskan diri.


2 weeks; Kajang, Muar , Shah Alam , Funfair , Gua Tempurung , PD , Desa Petaling (Ampang?) , Sunway Pyramid , i-City..

Be Yourself .

Hypocrite.

I'm trying to avoid that but end up moving that way .

I realized that .

"Always be yourself " 

I've been using that word for almost 3 years . Hasilnya ? not that much different .

I realized that too.

Till when i'm gonna be like this ? Sampai bila ?

I keep running , hiding.. from reality, from people, so that they wont dissapointed in me , the real me . 

The real me , the person that they put high expectation on. 

then , they found my other-half . my life in the net .

Most of them were shocked coz i'm not the person they thought i'd be.

 I made a side-profile , specifically for some stuff . 

So that theres one i'll use it for everyday life & theres one for that stuff . And ofc , in that stuff , theres no other things than that stuff . Well , that's the point i made it anyway . To seperate my  life into two .

 I dont usually use the my-everyday-life side often coz ..theres nothing to do ? It's not that easy to be friendly over nothing . It's different in the other side . I have something that made me became friendly , eventhough they're strangers .

Sometimes , i wonder ... betulkah apa yang saya buat ?

Then saya cuak bila mereka jumpa . Sampai bila saya nak menyorok ?

Should i combine the two things into one ?

Saya rasa saya tak jujur pada diri sendiri.

Nobody's perfect . I don't have the guts yet to show them the real me . 

Oh really? .. i don't even know the real me . 

Random . Typical thing . 

Realiti ..

Saya rasa tertipu dengan dunia . 

Saya dah tak tahu nak percaya kepada siapa .Semakin besar semakin banyak rahsia yang saya discover . Benda yang saya nampak waktu kanak-kanak dulu , semuanya palsu belaka . Kanak-kanak hidup dengan penipuan yang dicipta oleh orang dewasa . Mungkin dari situlah saya belajar 'memalsukan diri' . I have to accept the fact that i'm not a little kid anymore . I have to face the reality of life . Ya , realiti kehidupan sekarang . Yang tak pernah saya bayangkan waktu kecil dulu.. 

Hakikatnya, saya mudah mempercayai orang..
sebab tu saya selalu dipermainkan . Dipergunakan . Diambil kesempatan . stop .
Saya tak kisah . Sebab selama ni memang saya selalu bergantung kepada orang . Nak taknak kena terima .


Then, saya cuba bergantung pada diri sendiri . Tapi saya menjadi semakin selfish . Oh, selama ni memang saya selfish .. cuma tak tunjukkan je . Jadi selfish memang best . Fikir hal sendiri je .Tak payah nak susah-susah libatkan orang lain dalam masalah kita . Sendiri tanggung la . Tapi, apa gunanya family & kawan kalau kita asyik fikir hal sendiri ? Okay, cara ni tak selesaikan masalah . 

Ya , kita tak boleh hidup bersendirian " selagi kita tidak bergantung pada yang tak mati ".

THAT .

Saya buta .